mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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