it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
