we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
