Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
