You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
