so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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