Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
