I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
