i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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