First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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