Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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