I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
