i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
