Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
