I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
