forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
