just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
