Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
