can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
