I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
