dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need to sanitize my soul.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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