Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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