I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
