Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
