ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
