It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
