Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
