Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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