Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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