Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
