Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
