I never want to see another naked old woman again.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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