Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
