I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
