I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
