You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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