best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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