I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
