my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
