If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
