He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
