A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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