Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
