The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
