so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
