i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
