so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
