1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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