My pussy is not your playground.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
