we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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