my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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