Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
