Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry about my life...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
