Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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